Losing a Piece of Myself
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Jennifer has seen the future…and it involves David Rossi losing a piece of himself in order to give her the peace the mind she wants. Hilarity ensues as he tries to talk her out of one of the most life changing events a man can face. Ch 6 is M rated.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I have to let everyone know that without our friend Susan…this idea for a story would have never occurred. We hope you enjoy it. It shouldn't be any longer than just a few chapters…but it is a story that must be told. As ever, we don't own Criminal Minds.**

**LOSING A PIECE OF MYSELF**

**Chapter 1**

David Rossi took one last look over his shoulder at his sleeping two year old son, Nickolas and breathed a final sigh of relief. It looked like his little man just might finally be out for the night after three false starts. Shutting off the light, he tiptoed across the hallway to his four year old daughter, Mara's, room. Sticking his head into the ajar door he saw her, sprawled across her pink sheets, arms askew, oblivious to the world around her, and he grinned. She was SO her mother's daughter. Walking across the room, he drew her violet bedspread across her sleeping form and smoothed her jet black hair back from her forehead. Yes, he and Jennifer had made the two most beautiful children on earth, and at fifty-six, he was a damn lucky man. He was finally living his dream. A wonderful wife, two perfect, healthy children, a dog in the yard and the white picket fence. Ten years ago, he'd have never admitted to absolutely anyone that this was his idea of utopia. But, now, living it - he could shout it daily to the world and not give a double damn. Shaking his head at his whimsical thoughts, he smoothed a gentle hand across his little girl's cheek one last time and headed for the staircase. Glancing at his wristwatch and seeing that it was just after nine, he thought that if he was very lucky, he might get to actually read the paper and drink a glass of scotch before Jennifer returned from her "girls night out".

She'd fought him about going tonight. It wasn't her usual group of girls. Oh, no. Not her "sisters in crime", Penelope Garcia and Emily Prentiss. No, these were girls from years gone by. Her old college crew. She'd gotten a call from one of them last week, demanding that they all catch up. And, after much cajoling, he'd gotten her to agree to go for one of those rare nights out alone. She, like him, much preferred to spend her down time with her family, both the members of their household and their BAU family. But, as he'd reminded her, she did have a life before the children, him, and the Behavioral Analysis Unit and she needed to go remember it for a little while. It was no different than when he met three times a year with old agents he'd worked with from days gone by.

As he hit the landing of the stairs, he heard tires squealing into the driveway. Furrowing his brow, he sped up his pace down the stairs as he heard what sounded like Jennifer's Escalade door slam. He heard her before he saw her, and she definitely sounded in a word - panicked.

"David Nicolas Rossi, get your ass down here!" she yelled through the house.

Rushing down the last few steps into the foyer, he shushed her as he took in the glistening blonde hair that looked as if she'd run a million fingers through it and noticed the slightly glazed look in her eyes. "Honey, I just got our boy down for the third time tonight. Keep it down, baby!" Taking in her appearance again, he realized that something had his primary angel in a tizzy. And for his wife to be in that state, it could not bode well. Not for her. And, from the look in her eye, most definitely not for him.

Coming into the foyer at full speed, she paused as she met her husband's dark concerned eyes. Privately thinking that if he was as wise as everyone professed him to be that he'd keep that look in his eye, JJ stopped in front of him. "Getting our baby down for the night is the least of your problems right now, Rossi. Den! Now!" she ordered.

Wondering what in the world he could have done wrong in the three short hours that his wife had been gone, David followed his love through the hallway into the forest green den that they generally used as a family room. "Jen, what the hell is going on?" he asked, still concerned.

Turning to face him, JJ looked her husband steadily in his piercing eyes and said in a clearly controlled, well modulated voice, "You, my lovely husband, are going to be set up for a vasectomy first thing in the morning!"

Taken aback, David tilted his still dark, but slightly graying head to the side as he asked, "Sweetheart, are you high?"

"Of course not!" JJ snapped indignantly.

"Drunk?" Rossi asked, almost hopefully.

"I am stone cold sober, Agent Rossi," JJ said, raising her chin. "Trust me, when I tell you, all the synapses' within my brain are firing just fine. Perhaps, better than ever."

"Then what the hell-,"

"I, David, have seen the future tonight. And, I did NOT care for the experience," JJ told him firmly.

Heaving a sigh, David gave her his patented long-suffering husband look.

"Don't do that!" JJ huffed.

"Don't do what?" Dave asked patiently.

"The sigh. The head tilt. The, oh poor me, here goes my insane wife on a tear look…you KNOW how that irritates me!" JJ said, slamming her purse into one of the recliners. "Now is really not the time to try and dismiss me."

"I'm not dismissing you, Jen. I'm trying to figure out how in the hell you left our home, with a kiss on my cheek, three hours ago perfectly content with the state of affairs in our life and then come home, demanding at the top of your lungs, the removal of my perfectly good manhood."

"Told ya," she said, shrugging negligently. "Got a glimpse at my potential future and it ain't happening to me!"

Narrowing his eye at her, he asked calmly, "You wanna start this from the beginning, honey. Maybe rewind the evening by a couple of hours for me. Cause, I've gotta tell ya, I feel like I may be missing some valuable information here."

"David-," she began to growl.

"Jen, baby, what the hell has gotten into you?" David asked impatiently.

Gesturing toward his genitals, JJ said in a tight voice, "I'm afraid you will…one too many times!"

Holding both his hands up in front of him, Dave took a step back. "Honey, start from the beginning. Now. Please?"

Taking a deep breath, JJ stared at the man she loved for a moment before she began speaking. Finally, she cleared her throat and began. "Dave, do you remember me telling you about my friend Lynette. You know, the advertising exec that ended up landing that big league job in New York City?"

"Yeah, you mentioned her last week when you got the phone call inviting you to this little gathering from hell, evidently," Dave returned.

"Yes, well, the Lynette I knew from ten years ago and the Lynette I saw again tonight…two entirely different people."

"Jen-,"

"Shut up, Dave, and listen. When I last saw this woman, she was the most poised, capable, in control copy editor I'd ever seen. She was like ice. Unbreakable. A rock. The woman I saw tonight…oh, dear God! I will not become Lynette Sanders. I won't! I won't do it!" JJ said heatedly.

"Okay, okay! Calm down! What was so wrong with Lynette!?"

"What was wrong with her?….Well, let's see, shall we," JJ said, beginning to tick off items on her fingers, "She's overly tired, downtrodden, she's frumpy AND she's pregnant with her fifth child in seven years! HER FIFTH CHILD, DAVE!"

"And, this affects us how?" Dave asked, fighting to understand his wife's path of reasoning.

"The pill lied to her, David. Twice!" JJ yelled.

"So?" Dave asked, desperately.

"We're on the pill, David! That's our method of birth control! And, I made a decision tonight!" Pointing at his chest with a deadly looking finger, she proclaimed, "YOU are having a vasectomy! Immediately! It's our only fool proof method that I will NOT be Lynette!"

Literally jumping at the word "vasectomy", Rossi shook his head. "Jen-"

"Listen to me, David, the pill failed for Lynette TWICE! Once is just bad luck, but TWICE…that's just like looking at a big old billboard telling you to DO something about it! I'm paying attention to that damn billboard, Dave, and so are you! And, the only way to assure this outcome does not happen to me is for you to go to the doctor and have a little snip snip done," JJ said reasonably.

"A LITTLE SNIP SNIP!" Rossi squeaked.

"Absolutely," JJ said with conviction.

Shuddering at her revelation, Rossi quickly said, "Jen, babe, we've never had a problem with the pill. Never."

"THE PILL LIED TO LYNETTE, DAVE! TWICE! And, we both know damn good and well that you won't wear a condom!"

"You've never asked me to wear a condom, honey. Ask me! I'll wear the rubber. Not a problem. You buy 'em, and I will wear them. Hell, I'll wear a double layer if it'll make you happy!" Dave said quickly.

"No. Not gonna work, Rossi. I've seen the potential future and…uh uh….not me…not this girl!" JJ said firmly.

And, as David Rossi stood in his den staring at his beautiful determined wife, he realized this evening was not going to end as planned. And for the first time in many years, he was honestly frightened of what could come out of her mouth next.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Seeing the look of refusal crossing his eyes, JJ decided to switch tactics as she opted for calm rationality next. "David, honey, we already have a beautiful four year old daughter and a precious two year old son. One of each. That's the only options. They don't make them in polka dots," she tried.

"Okay, well, try this! You are ONLY thirty-six years old, Jennifer. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you will absolutely, one hundred and ten percent never want us to have another baby? It's not even a vague possibility? Because if I do, what you evidently want me to do, it won't be!"

Nodding immediately and with great vigor, JJ's eyes widened. "I'm willing to sign the vow in blood! I do not now, nor will I ever wish to have another child, David! I have my miracles! Both of them!"

"How can you be so damn certain, Jen?" Dave asked a bit frantically, running restless fingers through his hair.

"Do you honestly want to know, Dave?" JJ asked sharply.

"Of course, I want to know! This is the rest of our lives that we're talking about here. A long term decision! That in case you haven't noticed has an undoable effect on a part of my body that up until now I thought we were both a little attached to."

"Okay, Dave, well, let's get you caught up! Your spawns of Satan have managed in this week alone to drive us both collectively around the bend a couple of times, haven't they? Remember Tuesday, when your perfect two year old son decided that it was imperative that he wear his sister's glittery blue nail polish and then ended up redecorating our newly remodeled bathroom? Or, how bout Thursday, when our baby boy decided to throw my diamond tennis bracelet into the commode so that he could see the sparklies swim?"

"He's a precocious little boy, sweetheart. But, from what I hear…it's all perfectly normal," Dave said patiently.

Ignoring his comment, JJ continued as if he hadn't spoken. "And then there is our beautiful little sweetie, Mara. Your darling daughter, that angelic creature that you swear loudly and proudly can do no wrong, just yesterday managed to redecorate herself, my vanity, and our carpet. Then she proceeded to empty the three hundred dollar bottle of perfume you bought me for our last anniversary. Then, let's not forget Wednesday night's stomach flu bug that she brought home from preschool. On her way to find us, she took out not only her own bedroom rug, but all the carpet from their all the way into our room. David, we've had the house steam cleaned and I swear I still smell vomit every time I walk down the hallway!"

"Honey, tell me you aren't resentful that our little girl got sick with some virus. She's only a baby! It's not like she could help it," David defended his daughter.

"Are you crazy? Of course, I don't blame my baby girl! I'm not upset about that, Dave. It wasn't Mara's fault. She's a kid. It happens! What I'm trying to convey to you here though in no uncertain terms is that I'm irrevocably, irretrievably done having children. My two babies are more than enough excitement, entertainment and work for me! I'm done bringing children into the world. And, my husband - So. Are. You!"

"Jennifer,-" he began, his tone conciliatory.

"Don't bother, Dave! This mind," she said, pointing to her head, "is clear and made up!"

Watching that determined look cross her face, Dave's face began to fall. Shit, his woman was completely serious. Dead Set. An immovable bulwark. He'd hoped, up until this point, that is, that she'd been merely emotional. But this was past emotional. She'd thought this one out. Damn it! He knew that look on her face and was fully versed in the wrath and repercussions that could accompany it. He knew that if there was ever a time for him to tread carefully, that this was it because he had no doubt that the beautiful woman before him was fully capable of performing her own version of a vasectomy. Anesthesia be damned.

Marching to the oak desk in the den, JJ calmly grabbed the laptop and began calmly tapping the keyboard.

"What are you doing, babe?" Rossi asked, somewhat hesitantly.

"Proving something," JJ said absently, concentrating on the screen.

Sighing, Dave approached the desk as he heard her say, "Dave, I've heard about this procedure. It's a straightforward thing! Simple. Barely ANY recovery time."

Muttering, more to himself than her, as he walked toward her, "Of course YOU can say that, Jen. They're not your balls."

Turning in her seat, JJ asked, "What?"

"I said, they aren't your balls! No one is talking about cutting off YOUR vagina. I've had my balls for fifty-six years! I like my balls! YOU like my balls! You even said so, just two nights ago," he begged, crossing the room to her.

Flipping the laptop around in her lap, JJ said testily, "Oh, for God's sake, you big baby, you'll still HAVE your balls. All they have to do is make this tiny incision and burn a couple of tubes…" she said, showing him the illustrations and pictures on the laptop.

"OH! MY! GOD!" Dave yelled, slapping a hand over his eyes and stumbling backwards. "You've gotta be joking here!" he yelled.

"Jesus, Dave, you look at pictures of what serial killers do!" JJ retorted sharply, watching her husband cringe as she tried to show him the screen again.

"Not to my balls, honey!" Dave whined. "No, honey, I'm sorry. Absolutely not!" he said firmly, pushing the outstretched laptop screen away from him and shaking his head.

Sighing heavily, JJ calmly turned and put the laptop down on the coffee table, saying under her breath, "Okay, let's try another approach."

"Huh?" Dave asked warily.

"Honey," JJ asked conversationally, "Do you like sex?"

"Is that a trick question?" Dave retorted, his tone almost accusatory.

"Nope. Simple short question. Do you like sex?" JJ replied inquisitively.

"You know damn well that I do," Dave replied, crossing his arms across his chest defensively.

Smiling gently, Jennifer said, "Great. One fact established. Now, more specifically, do you like sex with me?"

"Honey,-" he said, taking a step forward.

"Because I'm here to tell you that if you ever want to have sex with the wife you profess to love more than your own life, you'll have this vasectomy. ASAP!"

"Jen, this is a serious decision. Not something for a spur of the moment decision," Dave tried to reason.

Crossing her own arms across her chest in a stance that mimicked his moments earlier, JJ shook her head and said with a note of finality, "Dave, my decision is made."

"Fine! If you're so gung ho for this, why don't we discuss having your tubes tied? I mean if you're that determined…."

Dropping her hands to her hips and narrowing her blue eyes on him dangerously, JJ said in a deadly voice, "You mean you would suggest to me that I go have an invasive surgery that takes at LEAST double the recovery time of your procedure to avoid the possibility of more children. You want me to have overwhelming, intensive surgery to avoid what equates to a little discomfort on your part! Is that what you're telling me, David Rossi!"

"Shit! No! Damn it, you know I'd never expect…but, Jennifer, you're talking about cutting off my balls!" Dave responded, flustered.

Smacking his arm with another force to jar him, JJ snapped, "Have you not been listening to a word that I've said! It's a simple little procedure."

Grabbing her by the arm gently, he pulled her to him. "Woman, this is my manhood that you're talking about here, not a hangnail."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about here, Dave," JJ said calmly. Palming his genitals, she said softly, "And if you ever hope to use this manhood on me again, you'll do this for me. I mean, think of the advantages here, Dave. Very serious, very sensual advantages."

"Name one," Dave ordered, his body responding to where her hand rested.

Leaning forward to press slightly against him, she whispered suggestively in his ear, "Freedom, honey."

Drawing back to stare into her clear blue eyes, Dave parroted, "Freedom?"

"Uh huh. Think of the freedom will be able to have. The spontaneity, sweetheart," JJ cajoled.

"We have that on the pill, Jen," Dave begged.

Rolling her eyes at him and stepping back, she yelled, "Damn it, old man, are you going deaf in your old age? Or senile? I told you - THE PILL LIES! My belief in the pill is broken. It cannot be repaired. The foundation is cracked - never to be filled again. And, if you'll just think about it, we can take advantage of this new freedom with no worries. NO WORRIES, Dave!"

"Oh, hell, Jen, we have a two and a four year old. Baby, we have to schedule sex. It's phenomenal, out of this world lovemaking…but we still have to schedule it!"

Clutching his shirt, JJ said passionately, "Listen to me, Rossi and listen good! You do this for us and I promise you, baby, you say when, you say where, you say how…and I AM THERE! Balcony sex! Sex in the supply closet of the office! Sex on your desk! Whatever you want!"

"Damn, you are desperate for this, aren't you?" Dave asked with a grim smile.

"You have no idea. I saw her, Dave. Lynette. She was miserable…I could tell!" JJ replied, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"Does my reward start tonight?" Dave asked hopefully, know he was going to have to concede this battle.

"You got a condom?" JJ asked pertly.

"Shit," Dave grumbled. "Five minutes alone with this Lynette's husband…that's all I'd need," Dave muttered in a low growl. "I'm fifty-six years old and about to lose my balls!"

Sliding a gentle hand down the side of her husband's face, knowing his capitulation was imminent, JJ whispered, "Sweetheart, that's pretty damn impressive. Your age and still fully functional. Enough so to have your wife insist on this…"

"Honey, honestly, is this really necessary?" he asked in his sweetest tone. "We haven't had not one problem…not one false alarm?"

"It only takes one time, Dave. And I'm not going to tempt fate and neither are you," JJ said quietly. "And the very bottom line is that either you can allow me to make you an appointment first thing in the morning or we can do it tonight with the dullest kitchen knife that I can find!"

And, as David Rossi stood there staring down in horror at his wife of several years he finally realized that she was firmly resolved in her decision. Jennifer Jareau Rossi could not be swayed. And, very shortly, he knew that without fail, he was going to be, just a tad, less of a man.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next day did not bring a change to Jennifer Rossi's mind set, much to her husband's bitter regret and disappointment. Not that he was truly surprised. It was a rare occasion for her to ever waver once a decision had been reached within her stubborn mind. Today was no different. He was still expected to be deballed. Promptly and expediently. In fact, by the time he had made it to his breakfast table at 8:30 that morning, he had a preliminary appointment scheduled for that afternoon and a tentative surgery date of the following Monday. NO, his lady wife had wasted no time in her efforts to eliminate any risk to their life together.

An hour later as JJ stood straightening his tie in the elevator as they waited to arrive on the BAU's floor, David asked for the fortieth time, "You sure about this, honey?"

"Positive, Dave," JJ answered again patiently.

"Shit," he muttered. "Do you have any idea how humiliating this is gonna be, woman?"

"What?" JJ asked testily.

"Getting this time off, Jennifer. I have to go in there and tell Hotch that I'm getting my balls lopped off because my wife said so," David pouted.

"Oh WILL you get over it! You don't even necessarily need to give him a reason…just tell him you're having a small procedure done and we both need a couple of days off."

"Yes, honey, let's go tell the Unit Chief and profiler that I TRAINED that little thing. He won't be suspicious AT ALL!" David snapped.

"Then tell him the truth, Dave," she said, fisting his tie and pulling his dark head down to hers. "You are doing a wonderfully noble thing for your wife. There is no shame in that. As I tried to reward you for last night if you recall."

"Not the really good way," Dave grumbled.

"After the operation, honey," JJ murmured against his lips. "If I remember correctly, however, you still seemed to enjoy what I DID do, didn't you?"

"You know I did," Rossi whispered hoarsely against her mouth. "And, if YOU recall, I reciprocated."

"Yes, you did. Like I told you, sweetie, you're accruing some massive brownie points," JJ smiled, kissing him as the elevator dinged their arrival.

"What about my manly points, honey?" David whined, stepping out of the elevator car behind her.

"It is manly to do something this wonderful for the woman you love," she told him absently. Turning to face him outside her office door, JJ leveled her husband with a determined yet loving look. "Now, tell me, do you talk to Hotch or do I? Because I told you, I have no problem-,"

"I'll do it," Rossi replied gruffly with a frown.

"Now?" JJ persisted.

"Yes, dear. NOW," Rossi growled.

Kissing him again, JJ whispered, "Thank you, honey. I promise, I'll get even more creative tonight."

"It had better involve acrobatics," Rossi grumbled, walking toward Hotch's office.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's Note: I need to apologize for my lack of consistent updates to my stories. Once again, my health is getting the better of me. I will do my best to give you all some sort of update every few days. That is my new reality and my new goal. Please be patient with me. And keep reading! There are more twists and turns to navigate in this story! Please read and review. The opinions of the reader mean the world to me! And if anybody has any one shot ideas for me…I'd love some help! As ever I don't own Criminal Minds._**

**Chapter 4**

Standing outside his boss and friend's office door, David glanced to the left, then right, assuring himself that no one seemed to be coming this way. There was no way in hell he needed witnesses to this abject humiliation. In a few short moments, he had to walk through the door ahead of him and ask him one-time protégée for time off for a procedure that was going to cause no end of snickering. Even he had to admit that the idea, in and of itself, was an alien concept. He was David Rossi. Granted, his free-wheeling days of playing the scene in bars across the nation with endless conquests were long past. But, still. In his day, he'd been THE playboy extraordinaire. Now, he had to walk into the office in front of him and tell a kid he'd trained that he needed time of to be deballed - because his wife SAID so. Something was so indescribably wrong with this scenario - on so many different levels.

On a theoretical level, he didn't have a problem with what his wife wanted. The bottom line was that he was in love with his wife. Any thing that made her happy or contributed in any part to her continued happiness satisfied him. He was thrilled with his life. Beautiful, loving wife. A strong, healthy son. A daughter that could put an angel's face to shame. He had everything he wanted. He'd felt no overwhelming urges for additional children. He understood that Jennifer was right when she'd told him there was nothing left to have. It wasn't that he wanted more kids. No. Just the opposite. He had no desire to tempt fate. But the concept of parting with any part of his famed anatomy was a painful process. However, in order to keep the state of peace in his house, he was going to have to make a sacrifice….his testicles. Not to mention the small fact that his wife had proven last night that she was fully prepared to forego actual sexual intercourse for the rest of his natural days until his little mission was completed. And while he was all for foreplay and he'd had it proven to him multiple times last night that it could be completely satisfying, God, he did love bedding his wonderful wife.

So with that thought in mind, he lightly rapped on Aaron Hotchner's door and waited for the younger man to call him inside.

"Come in!" Dave heard Hotch's muffled voice yell.

Taking a deep gulp of valuable oxygen, Dave pushed the sturdy wooden door open and stepped inside.

Glancing up from the open files on his desk, Hotch nodded to the older man. "Dave! What's up?" Hotch asked with a furrowed brow after noting the look on the older man's face. "Nothing wrong with the kids, I hope."

Shaking his head negatively, Dave closed the office door and crossed the room to moodily lower himself into the chair across the desk from Hotch. "Nope," he said tersely.

"O-kay," Hotch said slowly, throwing the pen he'd been holding on top of the file folders. "Well, it's obvious that something is bothering you. It looks like somebody just kicked your dog, man."

"Worse. They want to cut his balls off," Dave grumbled.

Raising one dark eyebrow, Hotch stared at the older man, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, hell, Hotch! You heard me," David growled. "I need a few days off next week and so does JJ."

Sitting back in his leather desk chair, Hotch studied the man in front of him carefully. "All right. Mind if I ask why you need this time? I mean, you know I've got no problem…"

"Evidently my lovely partner has decided that it's time my days as a card carrying member of the procreating male species have reached an abrupt conclusion. Her decision has been irrevocably made and therefore, if I ever have the hope of being laid by my wife again, I've been directed to fall into line. I, my friend, have been scheduled for a vasectomy on Monday."

Leaning forward in his chair, Hotch shook his head. "Dave, would you care to elaborate a bit more? You mean to tell me that your wife came home out of the blue and announced to you that you were going to have a…a…"

"How much more clear can I be?" Dave asked irritably. "She wants my balls…literally!"

"Oh, shit," Hotch murmured.

"And, since I REALLY like making love to my wife, I'm trapped. I always told her I'd give her anything she wanted and she called in the marker, man!" Dave near shouted. "Never expected it to be my balls though! That was surprising! I REALLY thought she liked my balls," he rambled. "I mean she always seemed to like taking them…"

Jumping out of his chair, Hotch held up his hands. "STOP! Seriously, Dave, these aren't pictures that I want in my head."

"Sorry," Dave mumbled. "Just a little emotional about the imminent demise of my manhood," he finished sarcastically.

"If it makes you feel any better, Haley ordered the same thing after she had Jack," began Hotch.

"Yeah. And, you're divorced now," snapped Rossi.

As Rossi ran a hand down his face, both men heard a knock on the office door before seeing it pushed open. Walking into the room with Reid following behind him, Morgan grinned as he announced, "Good news, guys! Strauss has postponed our weekly meeting until the beginning of next week. She said to forward the information along."

"At least something's going right today," growled Rossi.

Frowning at Rossi, Morgan looked at Hotch.

Shrugging his shoulders, Hotch shook his head slightly.

"What's up with you, Chief?" asked Morgan, staring at Rossi.

"You seem unusually agitated," Reid added in a concerned voice.

Looking around at the three men in the room, Rossi rolled his eyes. "Oh, hell! I might as well just tell you. After Jen tells Garcia, you're all gonna find out anyway!"

"Find out what, man?" Morgan asked confused.

"I need a few days off next week for surgery," Rossi mumbled.

"Is it serious?" asked Reid, taking a step forward.

Solemnly, Dave looked around at the men in the room. "I think so. Personally, I think it's the most serious a man could face."

"Oh, shit," Morgan breathed, "You're talkin' about…"

"What?" Reid asked, looking around the room.

"Yeah, you idiots, I'm talkin' about a vasectomy," Rossi snapped.

All the men cringed as Dave revealed the surgery he was facing.

"JJ's still young, man. Are you guys sure about this?" asked Morgan.

"It's my wife's damn demands that got me into this. She swears she doesn't want more kids," Dave said, rising from his chair to pace around the office. "I've tried every argument known to man to avoid this surgery. That woman is determined. Either I go to the doctor or she'll do it herself in my sleep."

"Damn," Morgan said quietly. "You're positive you can't talk her out of this?"

"I tried every tactic in my arsenal. That woman had an ironclad counterargument for everything I threw at her. I have faced some talented defense attorney's in my time, boys. That woman has them beat hands down. She wants my balls, boys. And, she's determined."

"Well, if she's so determined, why doesn't she take care of it?" asked Reid, confused.

"Evidently, me suggesting that was tantamount to being the most insensitive husband on the planet," Rossi told them. "You don't get it, guys. This woman is determined I lose a vital part of my anatomy - one way or another!" Rossi moaned.

All three men could only watch in horror as the great David Rossi hung his head in defeat. Each also knew if it could happen to a strong capable man like Rossi, it could happen to them, too. And none were pleased with that prospect.

"I'm never getting married," Morgan whispered.

Abjectly staring at the floor, they all heard David mumble, "Now, I know how Mudgie felt when I took him to the vet that time. Shit, I owe my dog an apology."


	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's Note: Hello, readers! Had my MRI today...so, we're hoping we'll know what's wrong soon! But...hopefully, my writing schedule will get back to normal soon. Until then, please read and review (or PM). Hearing from my readers gives me such a boost! Anyone with any ideas...please send them along! Thanks again for your patience and dedication! As always, I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of its characters._**

**Chapter 5**

Plopping herself down in one of the chairs in Penelope Garcia's computer mecca, JJ smiled.

"What's that grin all about, Ms. Thing?" asked Garcia with a grin.

"I'd like an answer to that question, too," Emily added.

"I am married to the greatest husband on earth, that's all," JJ sighed.

"Uh huh! So the great David Rossi strikes again?" Emily asked.

"Yes, he has," JJ agreed.

"Okay, if we're gonna get details on your night with your husband, I wanna grab a pen and take notes for Kevin," laughed Garcia.

"Oh, he rocked my world last night, just not in the way you guys think…at least not initially," JJ shrugged.

"All right, now I'm just intrigued, Jayje. Spill. Details, please," Emily said, propping a hip against Penelope's desk.

"Yeah, I'm with Em, Angelfish," Pen nodded.

Leaning forward with a big happy grin, JJ said, "Guess what my husband agreed to last night."

"We have no idea," Penelope replied.

Leaning back again, JJ said, "Do you guys remember me talking about my friend Lynette? I've mentioned her before, right?"

"Yeah, isn't she that New York big shot that you always admired," Pen nodded.

"Yep. Accept she's not. Not anymore," JJ said with a shake of her blonde head.

"Why?" asked Em.

"Don't get me wrong, ladies. Lynette is still a wonderful woman. But now…God, you didn't see what I saw last night!"

"What the hell do you mean?" Emily asked with a furrowed brow. "Did she have some horrible disfiguring accident?"

"Worse," JJ shuddered, "She's pregnant with her fifth child in seven years!"

"Good God!" gasped Penelope.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Em simultaneously.

"Nope. So I made a decision for David. And am enforcing it," JJ said firmly.

"You don't mean…" Emily asked with wide eyes.

"You know exactly what I mean," JJ said, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Ginger Snap! You're sending Super Agent Man for a snip snip?" Penelope yelled.

"Damn right, I am!" JJ said proudly. "There's no way in hell I'm going to end up like Lynette. Don't get me wrong, girls. I love my kids! Every single moment with them is precious and I adore children. But, I'm done! This cow is out to pasture. Therefore, so is David's. His surgery would be a hell of a lot easier than mine, so…"

"You're sending the legendary David Rossi to the vet," Emily gasped. "How in the hell did you convince him to do that?"

"Honey, you've just got to have the right ammunition. I just calmly informed David that if he ever wanted to have a sexual relationship with me again…well, he'd make this little sacrifice."

"Little sacrifice?" Pen laughed.

"He didn't fight?" asked Emily in disbelief.

"Oh, he fought. He waged his battle…and he conceded defeat," JJ said lightly.

"Why?" Pen said, fighting giggles.

With a straight face, JJ told them both, "I think it had something to do with the fact that I told him he could either have a nice fully trained urologist with anesthesia or me, a gag and a dull kitchen knife. The rest came fairly easily."

The laughter of the women was heard throughout the BAU for several minutes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Sorry for the posting delay. Experiencing health problems in Missouri. Anyway, this chapter is rated "M", so please be warned. Hope you all enjoy it. Please read and review and/or PM us to let us know your thoughts! Thanks for reading and your continued support. As ever, we do not own Criminal Minds.**

**Chapter 6**

The morning of Rossi's life changing surgery dawned bright and sunny and Dave couldn't help but feel that God was screwing with him. This would have been the perfect day for a duck hunt! But, no, what was he doing? Going to get his manhood hacked. Sometimes life just wasn't fair. But, he loved his wife. And, he loved hot, sweaty sex with his wife. In order to return to their previous level of activity, David Rossi needed to make a sacrifice. Granted, it was a big one. A very big one, if he did say so himself, he thought with a smirk. But, ultimately, his wife's happiness and piece of mind was what mattered to him the most. He was happy with the life they'd developed. It had taken them long enough. He was happy with the wife he'd married. Ecstatic, actually. He loved their children like hell on fire. He was happy with what he had and he wasn't a man to tempt fate. He had two healthy, happy little kids. One of each. He felt complete. And while this surgery and all that went with it had been sudden, he was okay with the thought of no more children. And he was more than okay with the thought of the promises JJ had whispered in his ear last night before blowing his mind with those luscious pink lips of his.

Sighing, David pulled on a loose fitting pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, mindful of the doctor's orders for loose comfortable clothing. He could do this. He could do this for his wife. So what if he'd be a teeny tiny bit less than a man. Mudgie had done this…granted…it had been unwillingly. But, he gone through it. If his dog could do it, well, hell, so could he. Breathing deeply, Dave told himself to keep his eyes on the prize. The prize being his wife's beautifully formed body and his unlimited possession of it. Yeah, he thought, THAT was definitely worth a trip to the man vet!

*******

Forty-five minutes later, Jennifer and David Rossi entered the Washington Memorial Same-Day Surgery Center and boarded the elevator. Sighing deeply, David watched as JJ pushed the button for the eighth floor - freaking Urology!

"Honey?" JJ asked softly. "Are you okay?"

"Not to be an ass, JJ, but did you honestly just ask me THAT question? I'm about to have my balls operated on!" Rossi hissed.

"Sweetheart-," JJ said gently.

"You DO realize what is about to happen to me, don't you?" Rossi asked crossly.

Nodding solemnly, JJ looked at her husband as she reached out and pressed the emergency stop button to the elevator.

"What are you doing, Jen?" David asked, confused.

Quietly, JJ turned to face her husband. "I'm giving you a chance to say "no". I'm giving you an opportunity to back out with no repurcussions. Normal sex life. All of it. Things can go back to the way they were. I threw this at you with no warning. But, David, you have to understand I'm scared. And will probably always be a little scared if we don't do this. Maybe you were right the other night. Maybe if I'm the one determined not to have anymore kids then I should be the one to undergo surgery. So, I'm giving you the chance to tell me no. If you don't think this is what is best for us or you don't want to be the one to have this surgery and think since it's my decision that I should be the one to have it, tell me and we'll go home."

Standing there in the tiny elevator, David stared at his wife and saw her utter sincerity. And, if it was possible, he fell even more deeply in love with her. "No, Jen. You had the babies. This one is on me. There's no way on earth I'm gonna let you have semi-serious surgery when I can take care of it much more easily," Dave told her quietly.

Looking up, JJ met his dark eyes. "You mean it? Really?"

"Crap, I can't believe that I'm gonna say this, but, yeah, I really do mean it."

Throwing her arms around him, JJ pressed an intense kiss to his mouth. "I love you so much, David Rossi! You are about to make your wife such a happy woman," JJ said between kisses to his mouth.

Wrapping his arms around her narrow waist, David shook his head. "I beg to differ, Mrs. Rossi. You are actually NOT going to get happy with me for awhile."

"Two weeks, honey! David, you've been on cases that long before and it didn't bother you," JJ murmured, kissing him again.

"I didn't sleep beside you in bed those nights, babe. You were home with our kids," David reminded her, caressing her back.

Kissing his neck, JJ slid one of her hands inside his loose sweatpants to palm his heat.

Catching his breath, David asked hoarsely, "Honey, what are you doing?"

Glancing at the watch on her other hand, JJ murmured, "We've still got twenty-five minutes before your appointment. I'm still on the pill and we haven't had daring sex in a very long time. One for the road, honey?"

"Are you serious?" David breathed, backing her against the elevator wall.

Squeezing him intimately, JJ said huskily against his ear, "What do you think, honey? Feel like a quickie?"

"But just so you know, I think you're still gonna owe me, but I'd be a blooming idiot to turn this down, baby," David growled in her ear as she pushed his blue sweatpants down just enough to free the required tools.

Working her jeans quickly, Rossi lifted JJ against the elevator wall as she wrapped her legs around his hips. Finding his familiar territory quickly, David found her wet, tight and more than ready. "Miss me much these last few nights, babe?"

Hitching her breath as he entered her after over a week, JJ said unevenly before finding his lips, "More than you know. I love what we did, but there's nothing like this, Dave! Nothing!"

"God, yes!" David said, thrusting forward. Using one hand to raise the teal t-shirt she wore, he wrapped his lips around one lace covered breast.

"Oh, Dave…," JJ sighed.

Picking up the pace, Dave raised his face to press sucking kisses to the crook of her neck, licking a trail to her ear lobe before taking it into his mouth and nipping lightly.

Groaning, JJ felt her head fall back against the wall as her husband's body moved in and out of hers, delivering as much pleasure as hers gave him.

"JJ, honey, tell me that you're close," David whispered hotly. "I'm close, baby. You kept me at bay for over a week, sweetheart! You know how I am!"

"So close, sweetie," JJ groaned, raising her hips to accept his frantic strokes.

Using both hands to tip her pelvis slightly, JJ felt him slide deeper. "Oh, Jesus," she moaned.

"Oh, yeah!" David panted, his hand drifting down to find her slick pearl bud and stroke it in a way that drove her wild.

His touch setting her off like a firecracker, JJ urgently met his thrusts. "Yeeesss!" she keened.

"Oh, God, honey, I can't stop," Dave growled against her ear, slamming into her.

"Don't baby! Push us both over the edge," JJ begged.

Taking her at her word, Dave pumped against her harder, stroking her sweet spot with more vigor as he felt her body clench around him. Sealing his lips around hers to stop the scream he knew always accompanied her release, Dave felt himself explode inside her.

Leaning against her and trying to catch his breath, Dave whispered, "Thank you, baby."

"No, thank YOU, honey," JJ breathed, snuggling her head into the crook of his neck. " I love you."

"I love you, too. My only regret is not getting to hear that scream, babe," Dave whispered, allowing her legs to fall back to the floor and holding her as she regained her balance.

Looking into his eyes, JJ promised, "You'll hear it again soon…and frequently."

"You bet your sweet ass that I will," Dave murmured, helping her straighten her clothes and fixing his sweatpants. "You're still gonna owe me, that much hasn't changed."

"I know," she whispered. "I promise that I'll make this worth it for you."

"If what just happened was any indication of that, I'm looking forward to it," Dave grinned.

"I love you, David," JJ said, watching her husband release the emergency stop.

"I love you, too, sweetheart. Trust me when I tell you, no other woman on earth could convince me to do this," Dave whispered, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Walking out of the elevator, David looked at the woman he held tightly to his side. Yeah, she was worth anything he had to go through today…and the next few days. She was definitely worth any price he had to pay. Her offer had meant more to him than words could say, but he couldn't let her do it…his surgery was safer and surer.

Grabbing his hand to still his onward movements, JJ pulled Dave closer to her. "Honey, you KNOW how much I appreciate this, right, honey? How great a gift that you are giving me? How much I love you…more than life itself. I know I've been crazy about this and I meant what I said to you in the elevator before…" JJ rambled, before being interrupted by a finger pressed against her lips.

"Shhh. I get it, baby. I do. I understand how much you need this piece of mind. I was reluctant. Hell, I'm still reluctant. But, I'll get over it. This is what's best for you. And, trust me, over the years, I've learned that what is best for you usually means that it's best for me, too. If this is what it takes for us to get back to a normal life, then this is what I'm willing to do for us."

Pressing a kiss to her lips, David murmured, "But you owe me, woman, you owe me BIG! And, I promise you that I'll be collecting."

"I have NO doubt about that," JJ giggled. "I love you, honey."

Pecking her lips again, he whispered, "And, I love you."

Walking up to the registration desk, David muttered, "Although if there is a God, they'll have lost my paperwork."

Laughing as they introduced themselves and were handed the forms immediately by the nurse, JJ looked at her husband, whispering, "God doesn't seem to be on your side today, baby."

"You're filling all that crap out, woman," Dave said firmly, leading her to a seat.

"No problem, honey…we al know how you feel about forms," JJ giggled.

Settling into the waiting room chairs, both heard the theme song for Green Acres come across the television as David cringed. "Oh hell, you think they'll switch this to the morning news for us?" he asked grimacing at the television.

"Shhh. We won't be waiting that long," JJ soothed.

"I'm willing to watch Green Acres," David muttered. "Better than what's coming."

"Hey, found them, Baby Girl!" both heard a familiar voice say from behind them.

"Ah, hell!" David growled, glancing behind them to find Morgan, Garcia and Hotch filling the doorway. "I swear to God that if any of you have come to crack more jokes…"

"Moral support, Dave. Swear to God. Pen thought JJ would need some company and Morgan and I thought that you might need some assistance to the car afterward," Hotch explained.

"You guys are so sweet," JJ gushed.

"Don't let them fool you, woman. They came to laugh," David growled.

"Be nice," JJ soothed.

"Can't….I'm having images of what's going to happen behind those closed doors," David said, nodding at the examination room ahead.

"Hey, I'm just here to make sure that my Baby Girl doesn't get any fool ideas in her head for me in the future," Morgan said honestly. "If Hotch and I had let you come alone like you planned there's no telling what you fool women would have worked out by the time you got back to the office!"

"Okay, that's enough from you, My Chocolate Adonis! I'm here to provide moral support to my best friend while her husband undergoes…"

"Getting my balls cut off," Rossi finished for her.

"I was going to say minor surgery," Pen corrected. "Now, Morgan, you just sit right there beside Agent Rossi and talk about calm and quiet topics. Nothing about the little ordeal that he's about to undergo. Don't you dare rile him up before he goes under the knife!"

Flinching at her choice of words, Rossi looked quickly at JJ and muttered, "You keep that woman on your side of the room."

"Bad choice of words, Agent Rossi," Pen apologized quickly. "I could explain to you exactly what is going to happen soon if you think it would help. I've done all the research."

"NO!" Rossi yelled, clenching JJ's hand. "JJ, honey, if you love me at all, explain to your friend that I don't need another explanation. The urologist's explanation was more than enough. If I never have to see those illustrations again, it wouldn't be too soon. Turning suddenly toward Morgan and Hotch, he confided, "I had a long talk with Mudgie last night during our walk. Told him how sorry I was for putting him through this. I've never been more ashamed in my life. It's a wonder that animal will even look at me after what I forced on him….let alone hunt for me like he does! And, I swear to God, the dog looked at me with pity in his eye."

Sighing, JJ said, "You're exaggerating again, honey."

"You weren't there, Jen. It was in his eyes," David moaned.

"Mudgie has no recollection of anything that even happened to him…plus that surgery prolonged his life…much like this one will do yours," JJ reminded him of both the vet and the urologist's words. "When this is over, honey, I'm sure you'll be much the same…it'll just seem like a bit of a bad dream, sweetheart. You're gonna be nice and sedated. I'm sure you'll just have some memories of some mild discomfort. Then, we'll be back to normal and you and I will be able to concentrate on raising our perfect family!"

"We'll see, honey. You just be sure to remind me of all this crap AFTER the surgery, babe," Dave said, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note: Hope ya'll like the next installment. Sorry it took so long to bring to the viewers. Please drop a PM or review to let us know what you think and by all means please keep reading! Thanks to everybody who is sticking with us! As ever, we don't own Criminal Minds._**

**Chapter 8**

Two hours later, Jennifer scooted ahead of where Hotch and Morgan were assisting a very uncomfortable David Rossi to his front door. "Garcie, are you sure that you don't mind watching the kids tonight for me?" JJ asked worriedly.

Glancing behind her at a wincing, whining legendary agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Garcia smiled slightly at her friend as she said, "Peaches, I think you're gonna have your hands plenty full with the child behind us tonight. Don't worry about the kids. Morgan's gonna stay over and help."

Quickly following her best girl friend's eyes, JJ nodded. "I think you may be right," she whispered. "Do you realize that the urologist said there were only TWO stitches. HOW can he moan so much about TWO lousy stitches!"

In a low tone, Pens returned, "I think it has more to do with WHERE the stitches are than the quantity of thread, hon."

Rolling her eyes while unlocking the door, JJ nodded. "Yeah, and I think I'm gonna hear about it all night long…or at least until I can knock him out with the pain pills or my skillet. Whichever comes first, ya know?"

Laughing, Penelope nodded, moving quickly aside for the men to pass through the doorway into the foyer. They took their fallen comrade directly to his favorite recliner in his den.

Sinking down into the soft cushions, David sighed. "I need peas, Jen!" he ordered. "The doctor said frozen peas would help!" he demanded.

"I'm on it, honey!" JJ said, shaking her blond head at the dark haired giant baby ahead of her as she turned toward the kitchen.

Moments later she returned with the proscribed bag of frozen peas. Tossing them to him, she winced as they hit him squarely in his injured area.

"Son of a Bitch, woman!" Dave yelled. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Honey, I'm sorry! We always toss things to each other!" JJ cried apologetically.

"Not at my injured testicles, we don't!" Dave snapped.

In the meantime, the other three adults had taken a step back from the married pair.

"We'll just get going!" Penelope said, biting her lip at the scene ahead of her; David Rossi glaring accusingly at his wife while she shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"Wait! The kids' bags!" JJ said frantically, searching for a reason to keep the other adults with her and a way to avoid a very cranky husband alone.

"Got it covered, Jayje. Still have stuff there from the last time the little kiddies stayed with me," Garcia said quickly.

"And, I have no problem buying anything else they may need," Morgan added quickly, who was more than ready to clear the hell out of Dodge.

"Yeah, we really need to let you and Dave get settled back in for the afternoon," Hotch added with a knowing grin as all three of her co-workers turned to leave at the same time.

"Traitors," JJ hissed.

"I'll call you after I pick the kids up from day care," Garcia laughed on the way out the door.

"Yeah, I'll talk to you then, if he decides to let me live," JJ muttered.

And with those parting words, their friends were gone, leaving Jennifer Rossi to contend with one very irritated, uncomfortable husband. Her day was about to get a lot longer than she ever anticipated.

***

Three hours later, Jennifer Rossi was ready to pull her long blonde hair from her head by the handful. For the tenth time in under an hour David moaned, "Smoke, Jen! Smoke! I looked down and that bastard was burning my balls off! I saw smoke coming from between my legs. I'm telling you that isn't natural! And, I need another bag of peas!"

"Dave, honey, that's the third bag that I've given you in an hour. I'm out of peas…how about some broccoli?" JJ asked in a voice that begged him to understand.

"The broccoli won't conform to the area, damn it! I need peas!" David spat.

"Fine! I'll go see if any of the bags have refrozen yet," JJ sighed.

Coming back into the room a few moments later, JJ found Dave still ranting about the smoke that had surrounded his personal private area. Handing him the partially frozen bag of peas, she watched as he stuffed them into his sweatpants. "I'm so sorry, honey," JJ soothed.

"Not nearly sorry enough, woman! I willingly let a man take a torch to my man sacs for you! And, I distinctly remember you saying that all this would involve is some mild discomfort and that I wouldn't remember a thing! Well, I'm here to tell you that I remember and recall every single MOMENT! Especially the SMOKE and the SMELL of the SMOKE!"

"Honey, you know what I think would help? Those nice little Vicodin that they gave us for you," JJ offered for the fortieth time.

"I don't want those things. They make my mind all fuzzy," Dave fussed.

"We could only hope," JJ muttered.

"What was that?" Dave asked.

"Nothing, dear," JJ sighed. "If it's any consolation at all, Hotch and Morgan were both very concerned for you."

Scoffing, David shot JJ a disbelieving look. "Trust me, Jen, they weren't concerned. They were laughing their fool asses off at me! Maybe not out loud…but trust me, on the inside, they were…and they were thanking their lucky stars that it was me with my feet up in stirrups and my ding a ling hanging out and not theirs!"

"Be that as it may," JJ began, "it was really nice of them to come and support you today."

"Yeah, I guess," Dave admitted grudgingly. "Although, I think half the reason Morgan came is that you scare the shit out of him!"

"Why would I scare Derek Morgan, Dave?" JJ asked, amazed.

In awe, Dave looked over at the innocent look on his wife's face. "Are you honestly asking me that question, woman? Jeez, woman, look what you talked me into. They cooked my man parts today, woman! You made me have surgery that had smoke coming from between my legs!"

"Honest to God, Dave, in all my research, it never mentioned anything about that! And the urologist never mentioned it either!"

"Well, then he left out a pretty pertinent piece of the puzzle then, didn't he? And, don't think he's not gonna hear about it when we go back for our follow-up!" Dave blustered, shifting in his seat and adjusting his peas.

Watching as her husband grimaced, JJ grabbed her purse from the floor and pulled out Dave's prescription pill bottle. "Okay, enough with the being a hero, David. It's just us now," she said, shaking out a couple of pills into her hand. "Time to take your medication. I'll just run in the kitchen and grab you a bottle of water."

"Jen, baby, no," Dave said tiredly, leaning his head back against the leather cushion of the recliner. "I'm still groggy from that crap they shot into me. I don't want to be any foggier than I am right now. I wanna clear my head."

"And your head isn't gonna get any clearer as long as you're in pain. You are taking the medication that the doctor gave us," JJ said, getting up to run to the kitchen. Coming back a second later, icy bottle of water in hand, she pressed the pills to her stubborn husband's mouth. "Open, David! Or I hold your nose like I do the children's," she threatened.

Glaring up at his tyrannical wife, Dave knew she was going to win. He simply didn't have the strength to fight her when she was this determined. Opening his mouth wordlessly, he allowed her to put the pills into his mouth before nipping playfully at her finger.

Smiling gently, she opened the water bottle and tipped it to his mouth as he swallowed. "I love you, David Rossi."

"I know you do, Jennifer. I'd have never done this if I wasn't convinced of that," he said, grabbing her hand gently.

"I'm going to get you some colder peas, baby," JJ said, bending to kiss his lips.

Watching his beautiful wife walk confidently from the room, David wondered when that tiny whirlwind of energy had completely overtook his life. Did it really matter? After all these years together, David fully recognized that it was a done deal and he'd never want it any other way.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in this story. I hope that I'm back on track now. Please read and let me know your thoughts. Reviews are greatly appreciated. As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds.

Chapter 9

Two weeks later, David Rossi awoke to the feel of his sinfully beautiful wife's body pressed against his own as her lips trailed down the side of his neck. He knew it wasn't quite dawn yet before he even opened his eyes. The room was still too dark and the house still much too quiet. Groaning, he turned his face into hers and captured her lips in an aggressively passionate kiss.

Feeling her body soften above his as she lay draped across him, he slid his arms around her to bring her more fully atop him. "Good morning, Bella. Someone's up and feeling particularly energetic this morning," he teased, his voice still husky with sleep but his smile warm.

Giggling against his neck as she snuggled her body into the man that seemed to have been made especially for her, JJ whispered, "You DO remember what today is, don't you?"

Sliding his hands down to curve around her shapely backside, David settled her more firmly into the rapidly changing crux of his body. "I think I can remember, Cara Mia. My age hasn't caught up with me yet," he whispered against her neck before taking an earlobe into his mouth and giving it a tender nip.

"Ah," she sighed. "I'm glad to hear that, Agent Rossi."

Pausing in his exploration of the slope of her sensitive neck, David drew back to look into his wife's eyes. "Tell me you have a sitter for tonight, Bella. Not being a part of you for these last few weeks has nearly killed me. Tell me that I'll have my wife entirely to myself tonight," he ordered her in a raspy voice still slightly clouded from sleep.

"Oh, I can guarantee you that I'm all yours tonight…completely, totally, undeniably yours," she said, punctuating each word with a hot, teasing kiss. "The wait's over. You go to the doctor at 10:45 today. As soon as that's done, I belong entirely to you - completely dedicated to showing you EXACTLY how grateful I truly am for your sacrifice," JJ whispered, pressing suggestively against him as she slowly lowered her mouth to caress his teasingly before aggressively sliding her tongue past his parted lips. Kissing him with the pent up passion of two weeks without the pleasure of her husband's body, JJ felt Dave slide his strong, capable hands across her back before lowering them to cup and massage her buttocks. Biting back a moan as his hands worked magic on the muscles beneath his hands, JJ drew back, moaning piteously.

"We have to stop," JJ panted.

"Nah, we don't," David argued, stealing her lips again for another searing kiss.

"Mmmm," JJ groaned eventually, rolling away from him as she labored to catch her breath. Her husband was a talented man in many areas, but this, this he was truly a master in. Turning on her side to see his profile, it was obvious that he was still aroused and if she didn't say something soon, he would be in a full fledged pout over this interruption in their lovemaking.

"Come on, honey, you don't want that surgery to go to waste, do you? In a few short hours, we'll know that we're cleared for liftoff and we'll have no lagging worries to impede us," JJ soothed. "I promise that I'll be worth the wait."

Rolling onto his side to face her fully, David smiled. "You're right, babe. Come this afternoon though, you'll have no excuses," Dave reminded her.

"I don't want any excuses," JJ laughed.

"Who's keeping the little demons tonight for us?" he asked curiously.

"Their fairy godmother, of course," JJ answered, rising to pull on her robe to begin their day, "I think she's rented every Dora the Explorer and Transformer movie known to man."

"Ah, so our Garcia is up to bat tonight, huh? Morgan gonna help her out?"

Shrugging her slim shoulders, JJ shook her head. "I'm not sure. God knows, I wish those two would stop dancing around each other and get on with it already! They're perfect together! If Garcia would just get over her insecurity and Morgan would swallow his fear…"

"Oh hell, babe, admit that you just want another wedding to plan," Dave laughed.

"I refuse to either confirm or deny anything, Agent Rossi," JJ told him primly as he caught her by the hand and toppled her back down on the bed and into his arms.

"Da-vid! What are you doing?" JJ giggled, struggling against his hard body.

Staring into her sparkling blue eyes, Dave growled playfully into her ear, "Hush, woman! It just occurred to me that I might have forgotten to tell you something important."

"And, what's that, Agent Rossi?" JJ replied.

"I forgot to tell you how much I love you," he whispered before once more claiming her reddened lips.

As always, JJ melted under her husband's expert touch. As she sank further and further into the mind numbing sensation of being well loved, it was the click of the bedroom door that alerted her that they were no longer cocooned in their bed alone. Pushing David slightly away, JJ whispered, jerking her head at the door behind her, "I don't think we're alone anymore, honey."

Flopping back against the pillows behind his head, David groaned, kicking his feet against the bed in a mock tempter tantrum. "Lucky, woman! Very lucky!"

"You wouldn't want to risk all that surgery, now would you? A few more hours…that's all," JJ soothed quietly.

"A few more hours, Jen. That's all," David repeated in a warning, before turning his head to watch their four year old daughter make her way to the bed as fast as her short legs would carry her.

"Sweetheart! What are you doing out of bed this early? And what has mama told you about coming into mama and daddy's room without knocking, young lady?" JJ asked her beautiful little girl.

"I'm sowwwwy, mama, but I had to come and tell bout my dream!" Mara explained excitedly.

"Your dream?" JJ said.

"Uh-huh! I had a dream!"

Reaching out to lift his baby girl onto the bed with them, Dave settled her between JJ and himself. "Tell us about your dream, angel," David told her patiently.

"Nikki and me…"

"Nikki and I," JJ corrected, automatically.

"Nikki and I had us a baby brother and we was pwaying with him. He was so cute, mama! And you and daddy was there, too," Mara told them.

"Honey, you must have been having a dream about when Nikolas was a baby," JJ laughted,

"Nuh-uh, mama!" Mara said with a firm shake of her head. "It was 'nother baby," she insisted adamantly. "Nicky was there, too, mama, so it can't be him," Mara reasoned, bouncing up and down between her parents on the bed.

Exchanging a look with each other, JJ sighed. "At least that's one worry we don't have anymore, no matter what are four year old ball of energy is dreaming."

Hearing his two year old son begin to whine in the next door nursery, Rossi rose from the bed. "I'll get the monkey," he told JJ quickly. "I'll let you handle this," David said with a nod at their daughter.

Quickly making his way into the other room, he made short work of changing his little guy's diaper. Carrying him back to their bedroom, he found Jen and Mara curled together in the middle of the king-sized bed, blond heads bent close together in serious discussion. Looking from the perfect son in his arms to the two girls in the bed, David Rossi realized that he had his own dream come true.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"So, Mrs. Rossi, according to the urologist, all of our collective systems are go. You, my love, have no further excuses," David whispered hoarsely into her ear as he backed her against the elevator wall on the way to their BAU offices.

"I assure you, Dave, I feel absolutely no need at ALL to look for an excuse. In fact, if I were you, I'd lock my office door today. Otherwise, I might just feel the need to jump you on your desk," JJ said, moving sensuously against him.

Groaning, David growled, "You are an evil woman, Jennifer. But, I, believe it or not, am gonna demand a bed for this. I plan on taking my time So, if I were you, I'd make sure to get everything cleared off your desk today because as soon as I finish this damn meeting with Strauss, we're out of here."

Laughing lightly, JJ wrapped her arms around her husband's neck. "I thought you were going to jump out of your skin when the doctor said everything was a go."

Nodding solemnly, David replied, "Woman, I don't think you understand how much I've missed you. Trust me, babe, when I tell you that I plan on going and going and going. You owe me, sweetheart. And, I plan on beginning my collection process as soon as humanly possible." Lowering his mouth to hers, David seized Jennifer's lips in a passionate, breathtaking kiss. Cupping her rump in his hot hands, David lifted her body into his, allowing her to feel the full extent of his desire for her as his tongue swept deeply into her mouth, laying claim to a territory that he'd sorely missed.

"God, David," she moaned as he slowly pulled his lips from hers. "What time do you have to meet with Strauss?"

"We meet at one in her office…shouldn't take more than half an hour," he explained, sliding his hands rhythmically up and down her back. "I'll come straight to your office to get you afterwards and we're out of here."

"I can't wait," JJ told him breathlessly, rising on her toes to kiss him again deeply.

Tearing his mouth away moments later, David rasped, "Sweetheart, we have to stop. Unless you WANT me walking into Erin Strauss' office with a raging hard-on."

Shaking her head, JJ smiled. "No, I'd prefer to keep some things just between you and I."

"Then take a step back, sweetheart. Otherwise, I can't promise I'll be able to control my actions," David said, putting his petite wife firmly away from him.

Laughing as the elevator doors opened, JJ and Dave looked up to find Derek Morgan waiting impatiently outside the sliding doors.

"There you two are! Hotch has been calling all over the building for you," Morgan said, running a hand over his shaved head.

"We had a doctor appointment," Dave said shortly, guiding JJ out of the elevator car. "And, now, I've got a meeting with Strauss. Then, JJ and I are leaving for the day," Dave said in a no-nonsense tone.

"Not today, Chief. We caught a case," Morgan informed him quickly.

Glaring at the tall black man, David immediately began shaking his head. "Not happening," David growled.

"Hotch is waiting for us in the war room," Morgan said, meeting JJ's eyes.

"You've got to be kidding me," David yelled.

"David, quiet down!" JJ whispered violently. "How soon, Morgan?" JJ asked.

"We'll be wheels up as soon as the briefing ends. Strauss is gonna ride us hard on this one," Morgan groaned.

"Why?" JJ asked, ignoring her husband's stomping feet and muttered curses as the three walked toward the war room.

"Why? Because she takes vicious enjoyment in ruining my life," David spat.

"David, please-," JJ sighed. "I'm sure Straus has no ulterior motives here. Hell, we could be off to save an entire community. Where ARE we off to anyway, Morgan?"

"Some Dallas suburb," Morgan replied.

"Don't even try, Jen. Your normal sense of sunny optimism ain't gonna work on me this time. Two weeks, damn it! Two weeks without my wife," Rossi raged.

"What the hell is he rambling about, Jayje?" asked Morgan, looking at Rossi as if he'd lost his mind.

"You don't want to know. Trust me, Morgan," JJ said quietly.

"I'll tell you!"

"Dave-," JJ warned.

"No, uh uh! This woman convinced me against my better judgment to sacrifice my masculinity and now-,"

"And now, we're expected to go do the job that the United States government pays us to do," JJ finished for him. "This isn't some nefarious plot against you, David. The powers that be are not designing to prevent us from having sex!" JJ said huffily.

"You couldn't prove that by me, woman! If you ask me, Strauss has been planning this all along! That woman despises me with an unholy passion," David hissed.

"As true as that may be, I really don't think she's put a whole community in jeopardy just to spite you," JJ said, rolling her eyes.

"All I know for for sure is that Erin Strauss better have excellent reasons for involving you and I in this case. I'm not above telling her in glowing detail exactly how she just pissed on the perfect evening with my wife!" Rossi charged, brushing past JJ and Morgan in his rush to the war room.

"Unfortunately," JJ said, following after her irate husband, "I have no doubt that he'll do exactly that," she told Morgan.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Two hours later, David found himself, much to his vast chagrin, sitting next to his beautiful wife aboard a plane bound for Dallas.

"I still can't believe that you're making me do this," David grumbled under his breath.

"Making you do what, dear? Oh, you mean your JOB. Funny thing, they don't pay you unless you show up," JJ said, not looking up from the magazine in her lap.

"I'm rich. We don't need to show up," David reasoned.

"Not a good enough reason when we can actually help someone," JJ replied patiently.

Rolling his eyes at the woman sitting to his right, David tried not to stare at the cleavage being displayed by the gap in her sweater. "I can't believe how cruel you're being about this."

"And, I can't believe how childish the man I married is capable of acting," JJ shot back.

Looking around the plane's cabin, David noted the various faces. Morgan was sitting reclined with his headphones on, Reid was engrossed in a book, Emily appeared asleep, and Hotch, as per his usual, was focused on the report in his lap. Shaking his head disgustedly, David whispered, "They didn't need us for this one."

"You don't know that," JJ said shortly, turning the page to her magazine idly.

"Two words, Jennifer. Car. Wrecks. They're reporting a series of localized car wrecks…I'm not even convinced we're dealing with a murderer here. And, everybody hasn't even died!"

Slapping her magazine closed, JJ turned to face the man beside her. "Now, there's something to be sad over, Rossi! Not everybody died!"

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" David blustered.

"Oh, I know what you meant, David. But the simple fact is that we've both seen serial killers use automobiles as weapons before and there is a chance it's happened again. The governor of Texas has requested our team's assistance and we're going! End of story!"

"Fine, but for the record, I think Morgan's right. The most interesting thing we're gonna see down there is probably a new breed of cactus!"

"I hope he's right, but until we KNOW that, let's TRY and focus on the case," JJ muttered. "Besides, you might try looking at this little trip as a blessing instead of a curse."

"A blessing? Have you lost that beautiful mind of yours?" David asked incredulously.

"No, as a matter of fact, I haven't! Think about it, David. No kids, no interruptions, no distractions. Just you and I in that king size hotel room bed I had reserved after the case ends at night. If you'll think about it, the idea has merit," JJ whispered.

Shocked, David stared at his wife before smiling wickedly. Trailing his fingers up her leg, David's eyes gleamed as he said in a low voice, "Why, Mrs. Rossi, I believe you might have given some thought to this."

Catching her breath as his fingers brushed the inside of her leg, JJ sighed, "No kidding, honey. Do you think the last two weeks have been any easier on me than you? That I haven't missed you just as much? Are you crazy? This is the longest we've ever gone with the exception of having our kids. And, that's something we'll be celebrating never happening again - even if we'll still have to take a few precautions."

"Another fact I'm a bit bitter about, wife," David growled against her ear.

"It's only for a month, Dave," JJ sighed, feeling his hot breath against her neck.

"I'll live with it, if it means I get my wife back," David whispered, pressing a kiss to the rapidly beating pulse in her neck.

"You can and you will. So, please, honey, just relax. Let's go do our job this afternoon so that we can enjoy tonight with nothing on our mind to distract us," JJ suggested, focusing her pleading blue eyes on his.

"All right, bella. You win. I'll play nice on Strauss' pet project, but I want brownie points. Damn!" David said, remembering.

"What is it?" JJ asked, flashing him a curious look.

"About those precautions that we need to take. Bella, I didn't pack anything," David related with a panicked look in her direction.

Covering his hand with hers, JJ shook her head. "It's okay, honey."

"No, I assure you that it is NOT okay," David said with a fast shake of his head.

"Yes, it is. Of all the big city hotels we've stayed in, can you ever think of a time when they didn't have a well stocked convenience store somewhere near? Or do you think Dallas suddenly closed all the Quickie Marts in preparation for your visit?" JJ asked, trying desperately not to laugh.

Settling back in his seat, David squeezed his wife's hand. "You, woman, are on borrowed time. You just make sure that we hit that store before the door closes to our hotel room. Once I have you caught, it'll take a nuclear bomb to drag me away from you."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Several hours later, JJ glanced at the hotel room door to find her husband standing framed in the doorway, jacket thrown over one arm, paper bag dangling from his hand. Hanging up the phone with Garcia, JJ smiled at him. "Hey, honey."

"Hey, babe. Kids okay?" he asked nodding at the phone as he threw his burdens on the desk.

"Garcia said they're doing great. Our son is walking around singing the Barney song at the top of his two year old lungs. Garcia is being run ragged by our dynamic duo and loving every minute of it. I'm sure they're all going to enjoy their evening…just like us," JJ said, reaching up to take her gold hoops from her ears.

Loosening his tie, David smiled at his wife. "So our little munchkins are offering up a run for Garcia's money, huh?"

"You could say that," JJ nodded, dropping to the bed and kicking off her shoes. "I see you made that all important stop by the store for us," JJ remarked, nodding at the bag on the desk.

"I did," he said, dropping to the bed beside her. Flopping onto his back, he sighed. "Dammit, Jennifer, of all the times for temperatures in Texas to jump above a hundred, it would have to happen on our visit."

Leaning over him, JJ stared down at her husband. "Are you telling me that you're too tired for any extracurricular activities?"

"I didn't say I was dead , now did I? The only question I have is do you want to attend dinner with our team before we begin our night?"

Frowning at the mere thought of food, JJ paled. "Honey, unless you're hungry, do you mind if we wait to eat. I think that late afternoon plane ride might have done a number on my system."

Reaching up to cup her delicate face, Rossi furrowed his brow. "You sick, babe? Do we need to make a trip to the emergency room?"

Shaking her head quickly, JJ smiled. "No, no. Nothing like that. I'm not sick, honey. Not even queasy. It's just the plane ride. I'm sure it's nothing."

Look, I know I teased pretty hard about tonight, but you know we don't have to do anything. As long as I'm with you, I'm happy," David whispered, sweeping his thumb back and forth her soft cheek.

"Are you kidding me?" JJ asked, shocked that he would even think of canceling their plans.

"No," he told her, with a firm shake of his dark head, "I'm not. If you aren't up for tonight then…"

Cutting him off in the most effective way she could, JJ sealed her lips to his. Slowly sliding her mouth across his, JJ infused as much passion and love into the caress of her lips across his as she could. Drawing back slowly, she asked huskily, "Now, does that feel like I'm not up to this?"

Meeting her cornflower blue eyes, darkened with passion, David grinned slowly. "Well, I'm not exactly sure, Bella. Perhaps you need to come down here and do that again."

"I'm really just not that interested in food right now, honey. That's all there is to it," JJ whispered, cuddling atop her husband.

Lifting his hand to surround the nape of her neck, David pulled her face to his, asking softly, "Well, if you aren't interested in food, maybe you'd be interested in a few other things?"

"I definitely think that's a possibility as long as they begin with a nice long shower," JJ whispered, moving suggestively against him.

Rising quickly with his wife in his arms and making long strides toward the bathroom, David growled, "Sometimes you have the best ideas, Beautiful."

Putting her on her feet beside the oversized tub, JJ bent over to turn on the jets as David made quick work of stripping from his suit. Reaching for her as the tub filled, David slowly peeled his wife from her clothes, baring her porcelain skin to his eyes.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered, as she stood, finally naked, in front of him.

"You always say that," JJ whispered, stepping into the water.

"That's because it's always true, angel," David explained reasonably, settling his body behind hers in the water. Grabbing the soft washcloth from her hand and soaping it quickly, David slowly painted circles across her back with it as she sighed gratefully. Kissing the side of her neck as he rinsed her back, David whispered, "I've missed you, Bella. Thank God this was a once in a lifetime event."

"And, now, it's done and over with," JJ murmured, turning her head to steal a lingering kiss from his waiting lips.

Reaching around her to cup her heavy breasts, David slowly teased the tips with the pads of his thumbs. "Did you miss this, Cara? The feel of my fingers against you skin - stroking you just the way you like?" he whispered hotly against her ear as she melted against his chest.

"Mmmm hmmm," JJ sighed, relaxing as David ran one loving hand down her flat stomach to tangle in the soft nest of curls between her thighs. Gasping as she felt her husband separate her slick folds to expose her to his touch, she arched her neck as she moaned, "Don't tease, David."

Capturing her lips in a searing kiss, David slowly sucked JJ's tongue into the warmth of his mouth as one hand strummed against the slick bundle of nerves at the top of her mound and the other hand played alternately with each of her puckered nipples.

Sliding a questing hand behind her to grasp David's throbbing arousal, she took a small measure of pride in his quickly indrawn breath. "Bella," she heard him growl warningly.

"What, Agent Rossi? You can dish out the torture, but you can't take it?" she asked, sweeping her thumb against the glistening tip of his staff.

Abruptly standing, David stepped out of the tub and turned to lift his smug looking wife from the water. "I believe playtime is over, Cara," he breathed against her neck, carrying her swiftly back to the bedroom and laying her against the cool sheets.

"Spoilsport," she accused him on a laugh.

"No, just extremely ready to make love to my wife. We'll play whatever games you want…just later," he promised, quickly blanketing her with his body.

Lifting her body against his, JJ couldn't deny that his idea definitely had merit. It HAD been way too long since she's had that satisfying feeling of being filled by her husband.

Using his knee to separate her legs, David groaned as he felt Jennifer's hands slide through his hair. Slowly penetrating her wet depths, both of them groaned at the overwhelming sensations.

"David," JJ moaned. "It feels-,".

"Like heaven," he rasped, beginning to pump his hips slowly against hers.

"Yes," she breathed, wrapping her arms around her neck as she widened her legs and lifted her hips to meet his. "Just like heaven," she agreed, as she found the rhythm he'd set. "Deeper, David. Please!"

Lengthening his strokes, he sought to give the woman beneath him what she needed. "Like that, Bella?" he asked hoarsely against her neck. "Is that what you need, baby?"

"Yes…just more," she begged, drawing her legs up to try to seat him more firmly inside her.

Lowering his head to capture one dusky nipple between his teeth, he gently nipped her as he stroked more forcefully into her body.

Using her tiny hands, she dragged David's mouth back to hers as she wrapped her long legs around his hips. "I love you, David," she vowed on a gasp as his fingers found her core again.

Sliding his talented fingers over her straining bundle of nerves, David's body carried her to the edge as she begged for release.

"I need it, Dave," JJ begged, clutching at her husband's shoulders.

"Reach for it, babe. Come on, sweetheart. Work for it," Dave dared deeply against her breast.

David waited until he felt her body convulse around him before he truly let himself go. Slamming into her body, he groaned hoarsely as he found his own release.

Shifting to her side to collapse beside her, David sighed in contentment as he felt Jennifer's head settle against his chest. "You were amazing, Bella."

"Thank you," JJ said happily, yawning.

"Tired?"

"The plane-," she began.

"I know, babe…the plane ride. I'll accept that tonight, but tomorrow if you're still feeling out of sorts, we're making you a doctor's appointment when we get home."

"Stop worrying," JJ ordered softly, patting his chest. "It was just the rushed trip," she assured him.

"You'd better hope so," David rumbled as he held his sleepy wife.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Six weeks later, JJ slid into her husband's office and leaned against the wall to catch her breath.

"Hey, Babe," Dave said, glancing up from the files spread across his desk.

"Hey," JJ replied tiredly.

Standing quickly and crossing the room to her, Dave wrapped his petite wife in strong arms. "Still not feeling any better?" he asked, obviously concerned.

"I'm fine, Dave. Just a little under the weather," JJ replied.

"Jen, that's the same thing that you've been saying for over a month now. Don't you think this bug has gone on long enough without a doctor actually diagnosing it," Dave grumbled, drawing back to stare down at his wife's pale face.

"Dave, don't start again. The last case took a lot out of all of us," JJ justified.

"And, we've had harder cases that never affected you like this before, Angel," Dave said reasonably. "Maybe you need to take a little time off."

"I'm not going to take a leave of absence because I feel under the weather, David. Besides, I didn't come in here to talk about my non-existent health problems," JJ said grouchily.

"Okay, JJ, what did you come for?" Dave asked, drawing her down to sit on his lap on the couch in his office.

Leaning back against him, JJ sighed. "Actually, I came to ask you if you'd mind taking charge of the kids tonight? Emily and Garcia are dead set on us having a girl's night out. Maybe that will rouse my energies."

"I'm all for anything that might make you feel better. I do believe I owe our daughter a tea party anyway," David confided.

"Ah, so that was the promise daddy made that got her into bed last night?"

Nodding, David grinned. "I admit it! I had to resort to bribery. I wanted her to get to bed early so that you would call it an early night."

"Dave, you didn't have to do that. I'll be fine," JJ said quietly.

"Honey, I know you think I'm being pushy here, but the thought of anything happening to you….just promise me that you'll at least think about making a doctor's appointment."

"There's no point," JJ said, pushing out of his lap and flashing him a smile over her shoulder on the way to the door. "I'm not sick. Just a normal overworked parent…just like you."

Watching his wife walk out of the office, David knew that he was going to have to intercede if things didn't change soon. There was no way he was gonna stand around and watch his wife grow steadily weaker without one hell of a battle.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sliding into the booth across from Emily Prentiss and Penelope Garcia, JJ frowned at the sheer amount of energy it had taken her to get there. Leaning her head back against the backrest, JJ watched as Garcia pushed the pitcher of margaritas toward her.

"JJ, gumdrop, pour yourself a drink! You look like you could use one worse than either one of us," Garcia told her compassionately.

Pouring her a glass of the lime colored confection, Emily pressed the icy mug into her hand. "Here, drink it quickly. Maybe the problem is that you've been alcohol deprived for too long."

"I don't think so, guys," JJ said, with a firm shake of her blonde locks. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she said taking a sip of the drink and making a face at it. "Nothing seems to taste right or sit well with me these days. I can't seem to find the energy for anything these days."

"Sounds like me like someone may have taken the vow to repay the debt to her husband just a little to seriously," Penelope spouted, grinning suggestively.

Groaning, Emily slapped Garcia on the arm. "Come on, knock it off! I do not want X-rated images of David Rossi floating around my psyche. I have enough trouble with men."

Swatting at her friend's arm, JJ shook her head. "It's nothing like that. Get your mind out of the gutter girls. I'm sleeping just fine at night. In fact, I'm sleeping anytime I get still for any amount of time at all!"

"Maybe you've picked up that virus that's been making the rounds a couple of weeks ago," Emily suggested.

"God, I hope not. All I need is for the kids to catch it," JJ moaned. "Although, I haven't had a great time keeping anything in my stomach lately. I'm sure it'll be fine though. Once I get over this bug, I'll probably be eating everything in sight!"

"So, what's the deal then, chickadee? Do I need to make you an appointment with a doctor? Get you checked out from head to toe?"

"Absolutely not! I've already had this conversation with Dave. I have successfully avoided every doctor but my OB-GYN for years. I'm not gonna start breaking that record now! Thanks, but no thanks."

Eyes widening, Garcia bounced up and down excitedly in her seat.

"Good God, Garcia! What the hell has gotten in to you?" Emily laughed.

"I know what's wrong with Angelfish! I know what's wrong with Angelfish!" she sang.

"Well, by all means, share it with the rest of the class before you bust a gut or something," Emily said, shaking her head.

Flicking a pretzel at her best friend, JJ laughed. "Yes, Garcie, SHARE!"

"Well, if I recall correctly, you've exhibited these particular symptoms before," Garcia said theatrically.

"Oh, yeah? When?" JJ asked.

"Well, once was four years ago and once was two years ago, if I am correctly remembering my details," Garcia smiled.

"No! Absolutely not! It's impossible!" JJ said, shaking her head vigorously.

"Nothing's ever impossible, Jayje," Emily said with a smile.

"Have you and SuperAgent Man had unprotected sex in the last couple of months?" Garcia asked around a pretzel.

"Well, yeah, but-,"

"He's had a vasectomy, right?" Emily asked.

"Yes!" JJ answered loudly. "It can't be…"

"Nausea, vomiting, extreme fatigue," Garcia said, ticking off JJ's symptoms on her fingers. "Gumdrop, those are the hallmarks."

"Are you late, Jayje?" Emily asked, watching the color drain from JJ's face.

Grabbing for her purse and quickly pulling out her day planner, JJ scanned quickly through her meticulous date book. "Oh dear God!" she gasped, looking up at her friends. "I'm eight weeks late! How the hell didn't I notice this? I keep up with everything! How did I miss this?"

"Better yet, how did it happen?" Em asked.

"The elevator," JJ replied absently. "That damn elevator!"

"Huh?" Garcia asked.

"Or Dallas! He never put on the condom…that bastard never even opened the bag," JJ muttered, recalling the brown bag that neither of them had grabbed for.

"Excuse me?" Emily choked.

"Never mind," JJ said quickly, shoving her calendar back in her purse and standing quickly. "Guys, I gotta go! I need to see a man about a baby! Then I have to kill him and hide the body!" JJ explained before quickly leaving.

Looking at Garcia, Em asked, "Should we call Rossi and tell him to hide the knives?"

"Nah, he's a big boy! He can handle it. It appears our Agent Rossi left a piece of himself before he lost another piece, doesn't it?" Garcia said, staring at JJ's retreating back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Another story ending! Hope you all enjoyed the ride. Please shoot me a PM or review and let me know what you thought. As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds.**

Chapter 15

JJ's wild ride back to Little Creek served one valuable purpose - to fuel her indignant anger at her idiot husband. How could he do this to her? Again! Wasn't this the very life event that she had been trying to avoid? Hell, yes, it was! She was going to kill him. And she was going to relish every second he suffered. And, suffer he would. At her leisure and at great length. Damn it, she had been done. There weren't supposed to be any more midnight feedings, dirty diapers, sore nipples, clothes stained with spit up. She was supposed to be past that phase in her life. But, oh no, her husband and his damn super powered sperm had done it again. She was pregnant.

Doing quick calculations in her head, she figured she was probably two months along. Great! Just great! She had eight more months of the fun that was pregnancy to look forward to. She tried not to let herself think of sweet smelling babies with infectious giggles. No! She would maintain her righteous anger!

Turning into their driveway, she quickly drove into the garage. Wasting no time, she slammed her car door as she ran for the back door. Slamming it open, she yelled at the top of her furious lungs, "David Rossi, you get your rotten ass down here right now!"

David had heard his wife's car door slam all the way upstairs. As he heard her angry shout, he had the strangest feeling of déjà vu. Quickly jogging down the stairs, David saw Jennifer standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for him with arms crossed across her chest and foot tapping impatiently. He'd known by the tone in her voice that she wasn't in pain or scared. No, it had been definitive anger that he'd heard.

Holding his hands up, David urged her softly, "Honey, keep it down! I just got our youngest and final child down and settled for the night. After the bedtime battle we had, I'd like to try and keep it that way."

"Final child, huh?" JJ said with a snort. "Now, isn't that just the joke of the year? You lied to me, David Rossi…you and your hyper overeager sperm have won again!"

Staring into his wife's wild eyes, David knew that if ever there was a time to move carefully, this was it. Something had riled his wife once again…and this time, he didn't have any balls to sacrifice. "Jen, honey, you need to calm down and tell me what's going on. What kind of unholy commotion went on at the bar tonight?"

Slapping her hand against his chest, JJ shoved David from her path as she stalked past him into the family room. "The bar had nothing to do with it, David," JJ snapped. "No, this is between you and I, big guy! Or rather it's between my poor defenseless eggs and your pushy overwhelming super sperm!" Pacing the length of the room, she rambled to herself, "I can't believe this is happening! Again! I planned so carefully. After everything we've been through. I bought peas for you! All that coddling! Listening to you whine for days on end. Dealing with your accusations that I deliberately wanted to see you in pain! And for what?! Now, I get to go through it again!"

Suddenly whirling to face him, she leveled him with a fierce glare and asked, "You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

"Since I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, I doubt it! Look, babe, I'm gonna need a little more information to go on here! Give me something to go on," David begged, looking at her in confusion.

"You mean it's not obvious to you?" JJ asked incredulously.

"JJ, honey, I'm gonna say it again. I have no idea what you're talking about. If you want me to play an active role in this conversation, you're gonna have to spell things out for me. Sweetheart, maybe you could start at the beginning for me," David suggested.

Taking measured steps in his direction, Rossi began to back up as JJ narrowed her eyes at him. "The beginning, husband of mine, I believe would have been the day of your vasectomy. Which was supposed to ensure that this very thing never happened to me again. But, oh no, not for us! Uh Uh! We closed the barn door just a little too late!"

"Jen," David said in a strangled voice, "You're not saying…"

"Oh, I'm not saying it, David! I'm screaming it! I'm pregnant!" JJ yelled. "And," she said, jabbing his chest with a pointed nail, "it's all your fault!"

Eyes widened with shock, David fell backwards in his chair. "But you can't be! I did it! I had the vasectomy! You were there!"

"Yeah, and I was also there for that little elevator ride we took before the surgery, Dave," JJ snapped.

"Oh my God! You're pregnant! That's why you've been so sick," David said, trying not to let his relief filter into his voice.

"Give the man a cigar," JJ replied. "Oh, no, wait! You'll want to give those out in about eight months."

"You aren't sick," David said again. "You're pregnant," he repeated again.

Seeing her husband's pale face, JJ softened, just a bit. "You were really worried, weren't you?" she asked, noting his trembling hands.

Meeting her blue eyes, David decided complete honesty might be the only thing that saved his life. "I was scared shitless. You weren't getting any better and you refused to go to the doctor."

Moving to stand in front of him, JJ didn't resist when he pulled her down into his lap. "I'm sorry you were scared."

"I'm sorry you don't want another baby," Rossi replied quietly.

"What?!"

"Well, you don't, do you?" David asked in a low voice.

"I…It's not that…I mean…of course, I want our baby," JJ said, laying a hand over her stomach for the first time as the reality of the situation settled over her. "It was a shock…I mean we took precautions…but, it's OUR baby, David."

"I know that, Jennifer. I just wasn't sure if you wanted…"

Slapping a hand over his mouth, JJ said quickly, "Don't finish that thought. I want our baby! I just wasn't prepared for the surprise."

Nodding against her hand, David tightened his hold on his wife. "How long, honey?"

Leaning back against him, JJ whispered, "The best I can figure, about eight weeks."

Smiling gently at her, David whispered, "A Christmas baby."

Realizing he was right, JJ grinned back. "I guess this year we're gonna give each other a little Christmas miracle."

"I guess we are."

"But, Dave?"

"Yeah, honey?"

"This is absolutely the LAST miracle I want from you!" JJ told him firmly.

"Honey, it's a deal!" David replied, finally allowing the laugh bubbling through his throat to escape.

Looking at her husband's happy face, JJ relaxed completely against him and permitted herself to let the excitement associated with a new life take hold.

-THE END-


End file.
